The truth will set you free. But you have to accept it first. The best leaders look reality straight in the eyes.

The first business that I started was a coffee shop. Bonhoeffer’s Espresso.

One evening, a woman came in. She didn’t have enough money to pay for the frilly mocha she wanted. I suggested a smaller size or fewer frills. But she wanted it all.

“I can read palms.” She said, “Let me read your palm to make up the difference.” Before I had a chance to respond, she had taken my hand and was examining my palm.

“You have square hands,” she said. “You must work with your hands and make things. Perhaps in construction.”

I looked at her. I looked at the espresso machine. I looked back at her. “No. I’m not in construction.”

“Oh! Well, you have long fingers. You must be an artist.”

“Ma’am, I make coffee…”

We See What We Want 

I don’t know what she actually “saw”. Did she believe she could read my palm? Or, between construction and the arts, had she learned that some men could be flattered into buying her drinks?

I don’t know.

What she failed to observe was…I made coffee. And I wanted to be paid. That was the obvious “read”. No palms required.

Our Mind’s Eye Informs Our Actual Eye

I sometimes mediate disputes. Nearly always, opposing parties develop unique and contrary stories about “what is going on.”

Typically, it will emerge that neither version of the story is the whole story. And it has usually taken on fictional characteristics.

Some people outright lie. But most believe their version of the truth. But their truth wasn’t true. Or it wasn’t complete. Or it was contaminated.

In most cases, something had happened. This triggered a reaction for one or all involved. The reaction feels justified. So, a story is developed to explain it. These stories take a fraction of a second to develop. But with time, they develop body and character. Even though the leading ingredient is usually conjecture.

And, with time, people become emotionally committed to the story.

Perhaps you’ve done this. I know I have.

It’s Not Just Conflict. 

Entrepreneurs and visionaries are prone to only seeing opportunity and possibility.

An exiting owner knows everyone thinks their baby is beautiful and worth millions.

A manager selectively sees why they get inconsistent results from their team.

We want something to be true. (Or desperately want it not to be true.) So, we interpret away actual truth.

This is the news, politics, many family situations, and much of life in a nutshell. We all want, seek and create misinformation.

We accept the information that validates our conclusions. We filter out contradictions.

Why Would a Leader Believe Something That Isn’t True?

There are many reasons. Here are a few:

• To bolster a worldview: Our “worldview” is our concept of reality. It is an amalgamation of what we’ve accepted as truth about origins, purpose, meaning, and what makes anything in life valuable. We each have a worldview.

Most people discard or explain away anything that doesn’t fit into their worldview. It’s too difficult to know what to do with the pieces that don’t fit.

• To preserve the connection to our tribe (identity and belonging): Many perspectives are strongly associated with particular “tribes”. It could be anything from being a fan of a genre of music to a political party or a religious system.

When we encounter something that contradicts what our tribe says is “true”, we risk being viewed as disloyal and excluded if we acknowledge it.

• To avoid the discomfort of cognitive dissonance: This is the psychological discomfort of holding conflicting ideas or facts. The two concepts above can include cognitive dissonance. But sometimes it’s experienced in a context outside of worldview or tribe.

For example, I recently discovered that a business “truth” I’ve asserted for years might not be true. I was taught it. I’ve taught it. Respected teachers and consultants teach it.

But I can’t find any research that supports it. I spent a long time looking. It was easier for me to believe that I wasn’t searching correctly rather than to believe that I might just be wrong [i].

• To avoid effort: If something turns out not to be true, we might have to work to determine what actually is. And most of us have enough work on our plate already…
• It creates insecurity: It comes down to, “If I was wrong about this…what else might I be wrong about?” This is a tough question that takes a lot of confidence to answer.

One paper I read, showed that the less confident people were in something, the more likely they were to vigorously defend it.

That’s an observation to chew on for a while.

How do We See Accurately?

Stay Humble

Ask questions. Accept error. As the Good Book says, we only, “know in part and see in part.” Don’t expect to do better than that.

Seek Input from Different Sources

Try to examine a topic from various viewpoints. A surprising amount of clarity can come from changing our vantage point. 

Accept Mistakes as Part of the Process

While I’m not an artist, I have taken art classes. Art is something we can only learn from doing. Creating art requires making mistakes, learning and moving on. That is the artistic process.

Be Gracious about Others’ Errors

It can be frustrating when someone won’t acknowledge an error. But maintain some level of graciousness. Because we may be in error too – and can’t see it.

Take good care,

Christian

[i] Because I know people will wonder: The topic had to do with executive succession and whether an outgoing leader should choose their successor. The prevailing wisdom is that they should not. The reasoning is that there is too great a tendency for the outgoing leader to be blinded by bias. Many academic papers assert this. But they aren’t supported by research. 

The only research I found said that the topic not only hadn’t been researched but may be too difficult to research. My gut reaction was that the author of the paper just hadn’t tried hard enough. This was my cognitive dissonance kicking in.

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