“A smooth sea never made a skillful sailor.”

Years ago, I was a new executive director for a financially struggling non-profit. A mentor offered true, although not comforting, perspective: the non-profits that start out easy, with all the money they need, always seem to have problems. They never learn the critical lessons offered only through struggle and hardship. It’s the non-profits that have to struggle that tend to do well in the end.

This is true in business as well. Struggle creates the conditions from which wisdom and strength emerge. As a result, learning to struggle well is an important leadership task. This is the art of resilience.

Resiliency is the ability to roll with life’s punches. It’s the ability to bounce back from disappointment, failure, loss, conflict and set-back. It is the ability to keep doing what needs to be done when things aren’t easy, the fun is gone and the cost is rising.

As leaders, some of our opportunities for greatest impact come only during times of trouble. It is easy to understand and relate to the experience of hardship, especially relational hardships as they cut the deepest.

One thing I love most about the entrepreneurial community is that it is a community of resilience. Perseverance. Pioneering. The hardy have survived. They have the scars and stories to prove it.

Better than that, they enjoy the rewards of having overcome. Successful businesses. High impact non-profits. Rewarding relationships at home and at work.

Here are five ways you can become more resilient:

Relationships: Research demonstrates that people with a strong support system are able to manage challenges more easily. Because of this, leaders who invest the time to build and maintain healthy marriages and families function better at work. They aren’t easily knocked off track. If they are, they can get back “on track” faster.

Additionally, cultivating relationships with people who care about you, are encouraging, motivated, and positive also strengthens your support system. Avoid people who drain you. Limit time with people who primarily complain, blame others or lack motivation. They don’t handle adversity well themselves.

To-Dos: Think of one person who encourages and motivates you. List three ways you can spend more time with this person.

2. Efficacy: Cultivate a sense of “can do.” The best leaders take action and know why they are acting. Cultivating this sense of “can do” is primarily done by actively focusing on what you can do in a given situation. This is opposed to focusing on the things that are “done to you.”

Many people tend to view life through the lens that they are victims or helpless. There is always something out there that prevents them from acting. “The man” or “the system” is keeping them down or getting in their way. “Can do” leaders recognize that while there may be people who offer resistance – their focus is on what they can do to create the results they want. As a result, they steadily expand their experience, ability and influence.

To-Dos: Think about what you need to accomplish today or this week. Create two lists: One list of “what concerns me” and a list of “what I can control.” Aim to have at least 10 items on each list. What are two items of concern (that you can’t control) that you can choose to stop focusing on? What are two items of control that you can accomplish?

3. Positivity: Become a “good finder” as Zig Ziglar used to say. Actively cultivating a habit of gratitude is one of the most powerful and life changing steps you’ll ever take. Closely related to this is learning to see value in and communicate appreciation to others. It is one of the simplest yet powerful attitudes of a leader.

I used to struggle deeply with cynicism and being judgmental. I still lean towards perfectionism. I won’t say that I’ve completely overcome those tendencies. But I will say I’m gaining significant ground. I’ve changed dramatically since I began to actively practice “good finding.”

Being able to look for and find good when you are facing a challenge or disappointment is absolutely fundamental to your ability to be resilient.

To-Dos: Make a list of three things that you are grateful for. Think of someone close to you and identify one thing you can appreciate about them. Tell them this one thing. Keep it short. A text or e-mail works just as well. Try these two simple habits (gratitude and appreciation) for 21 days. Let me know how it shifted your ability to be a “good finder.” It will.

4. Vision: Remember what you are pursuing and “Why.” Hardship for the sake of hardship is silly. A clear vision of what you are trying to create or protect is critical. Regularly reminding yourself of “Why” you are enduring a challenge provides fuel and focus. It creates meaning and direction when you are tempted to feel helpless or hopeless.

To-Dos: What is the ideal state that you are trying to create in your personal life? Professionally? In your relationships? Spiritually? Physically? Write this out, describing it as clearly as you can. Keep this vision with you and review it regularly. I use Evernote but old fashioned pen and paper works too.

5. Attitude of Growth: Viewing challenges as opportunities to grow and learn shifts them from being “all negative” experiences to experiences where growth is possible. On a personal level, shifting from trying to avoid or survive challenges to intentionally trying to find the lessons made available by them. On a corporate level, I’m observing how my best clients are actively pursuing growth in a down or scared economy. They see the realities of the environment and venture into it assuming they’ll grow and become stronger as a result.

Along with this, view challenges as opportunities to experiment with new attitudes or approaches. Too often challenge puts us into reactive mode. Taking an active stance and exploring how this situation might be tackled, related to or perceived differently allows for growth.

To-Dos: I find journaling to be helpful here. It is a convenient place to explore what we might be learning in the moment. It is also a great place to review and record lessons from recent experiences. I’ve found that by doing personal “de-briefs” with myself I’ve been able to capture lessons from experiences more quickly. Think of a challenge you are facing or recently faced. What are two or three things you’ve learned (or can learn) from that experience? The next time you face a similar situation what will you do the same? What will you do differently? In what way?

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