In my previous article I wrote about how a negative self-image limits us from operating at our best. How we see ourselves impacts others and our ability to excel as leaders. As a result, it is a leader’s responsibility to actively cultivate a healthy self-image.

Here’s how it works:

How I see myself directly impacts how I see other people and relate to them. Over time, those relationships create a culture. That culture begins to reinforce how we relate to each other, how individual and group experiences are understood and how things like decisions are made. All of this shapes the environment for goal setting and pursuit which leads to the quality of results that can be achieved.

There is an old proverb that says you can ‘judge a tree by its fruit.’ In other words – looking at the tree doesn’t necessarily tell you if it is healthy; but looking at its fruit will. If results (“fruit”), e.g., mission impact, profits, legacy, aren’t what we want – it’s worth looking back to the roots of the tree, i.e., self-image.

Can you change your self-image?

Yes! Fortunately, changing how we see ourselves is possible. Here are 6 steps we can follow:

Step 1: Change your Mirrors

“You are the average of your five closest friends.” – Jim Rohn

This is the most difficult step and it is also the one that will have the greatest impact. The mirrors I’m referring to are the relationships closest to you. We know that children need social interaction to develop both physically and mentally. In fact, they will die or suffer interrupted development without it. It’s within those relationships that we first ‘see’ who we are – through the eyes of others. For some of us, this was a positive message. For many, it was a mixed message. For others, it was an overwhelmingly negative message. Once we are adults, however, we can choose our relationships.

A number of years ago I realized I was stuck. I felt stuck relationally, professionally and spiritually. I didn’t like that I looked around and noticed that most of my social relationships weren’t “bearing fruit”.

I didn’t fully understand this self-image principle at the time; but, I knew I wanted to surround myself with people who were growing. Specifically, I desired to spend my time with people who enjoyed their marriages, were thriving professionally and were flourishing spiritually. As a result, I shifted my focus to be intentional about with whom I would spend my time.

Not coincidentally, that shift in relationships coincided with my getting married, transforming my business model and breaking out of the spiritual ‘doldrums’.

Ready to break out? Start by asking yourself these questions:

• Who are your 5 or 6 closest friends? Are you content with the “average” this creates in you?
• Are you attracted to healthy people? Why or why not?
• Name 1-2 people who exhibit qualities you’d like to grow in that you can begin building relationships with?
• What will be your next step?

Don’t skip step 1 if you truly want to change your self-image. The remaining steps are all much easier:

Step 2: Three Gratitudes

Begin each day with a list of three things that you are grateful for. I encourage you to think of new things you are grateful for each day; and, I encourage you to write them down. It helps make them more real to you. As you do this, your perspective will begin to change.

• For 21 days, begin each morning with a list of three things that you are grateful for.

Step 3: Daily Impact Inventory

At the end of each day, make a note of how you helped someone that day. How did you serve or improve someone’s condition? As you make this a daily practice, you’ll start to develop a robust inventory of ways that you’ve made a difference. It will also start to shift your perspective and help you see your impact on the lives of others.

• For 21 days, end each day with a short note describing one way you’ve served someone that day.

Step 4: Listen to/Read Encouraging Biographies, Podcasts, etc.

So much of today’s media is negative and critical. Regardless of political persuasion – there is a strong tendency to take on and champion a ‘victim’ mentality, e.g., (us versus them). This habit is mentally and attitudinally toxic.

Instead, immerse yourself in the stories of people who’ve overcome challenges and made significant accomplishments. This is a powerful way to shape the messaging that we surround ourselves with. It shapes our perspective of what’s possible and gives us insights into how it’s possible.

• What inspirational figure could you read about this month? What do you hope to learn from their story?
• Whose positive message can you listen to this week on podcasts or CDs? What do you hope to learn from them?

Step 5: Checklists

This is very basic and easy to do. Begin your week by creating a list of what needs to be done that week. Then, create a separate list of what needs to be completed, or started, that day. Make sure you prioritize what needs to get done first. At the end of each day, you’ll see your progress and assess what needs to happen next to accomplish your goals for the week. This regular, visible, sense of accomplishment is important; particularly when your work is with people and completion less visible. Seeing your accomplishments helps bolster your self-image.

• What 3-5 things do you need to accomplish?
• What are the top 1 or 2 things on that list?
• What will you do next to make sure those top 1 or 2 get accomplished?

Step 6: Focused Skill Development

Building your skills definitely helps. As I coach people through challenging processes, I’ve often observed an almost visible difference in someone’s self-image as they grow in whatever skill(s) they are working on. Pick one specific skill to grow in, block out time and work on it until you’ve achieved mastery. This could be as simple as learning to quickly prioritize (Step 5), or joining Toastmasters, or taking cooking classes. It’s up to you; but the process of intentionally growing and achieving a new skill set will help shape your positive self-image.

• What is one skill that I can begin to block time out to master?
• What is the next step that I need to take to make sure this happens?

Self-Image Transformation

As you can see, transforming how you see yourself is within your grasp. I’ve experienced it. Many others have experienced it.

Share below which of the steps you think will have the greatest impact on transforming your self image? Will you take that step? What will you do first?