Break Through Fear

I received the email from my publisher accepting my second book, tentatively titled First Year CEO. That was exciting. It felt good. Then they sent me the contract to sign.

I sat on it. There seemed to be so many other things to do. I’d get to signing it when I could. Finally, the publisher reached back out and asked, “Are you still interested?”

Reading that e-mail, I realized what was going on: I felt afraid. I was afraid of, “What if?”

What if no one liked the book?

What if it received bad reviews?

What if…?

This is the same fear that has preceded my most valuable decisions in life and business, including:

• Getting married
• Having children
• Starting my own business
• Starting a weekly blog
• My first book Conflict and Leadership

Because I can recognize the feeling now, I was able to do something about it. I signed the contract. I’m now editing the book.

Here’s the lesson: The fear of “what if” has attempted to rob me of every important step forward.

Fear is a Liar

When I first started consulting and coaching, I thought I’d spend most of my time dealing with strategy and team building and operational issues. Instead, I spend most of my time with leaders working on their fears. That word usually doesn’t come up. But it’s the issue. Fears of:

• Failure
• Scarcity
• Conflict
• Loss
• Embarrassment
• Success

There are a few legitimate reasons to feel fear. But most fear, most of the time, just isn’t justified.

The Cost of Fear

Fear prevents the conflicts – which when resolved, allow for greater trust.

Fear prevents the failures – which when worked through, grow greater insight and wisdom.

Fear prevents getting lost – which when you learn to navigate unfamiliar terrain, your leadership steps into its own.

Fear is costly –  nearly all of the leadership issues my clients are dealing with are somehow influenced by someone’s fear.

When fear is allowed to call the shots, it leads to smallness, shutting down, avoidance or overreactions, splits, and attacks.

Three Principles for Building Courage

Courage is often defined not as the absence of fear, but the ability to make the right choices in spite of fear.

There are 3 successive principles that will help you grow through your fears:

• Reflect on what is true: My kids are of the age where they are scared of the dark. It’s not what is there that they are afraid of. It’s what they imagine might be there. Most fear is based on a distortion of reality or an all-out false description of reality. Work to discover the truth.

• Expose yourself to real experiences: While reflecting on what is true is mostly an intellectual exercise, exposing yourself to truth is actual experience. You need to start the conversation. Pursue the project. Build the relationship. Build real experiences that help you remap your internal sense of what is true.

• Success builds confidence: Through reflection and exposure, you position yourself for successful experiences. There is no other way. You have to push through fear to build the success that gives you the confidence to not be controlled by feelings of fear.

Fear Should Inform But Not Control

Emotions are important. But not very accurate. Fear indicates to us that we believe or perceive a threat in some way.

It is very helpful to be able to see where fear pops up in my life. But the feeling of fear doesn’t differentiate between an actual threat and my perception of a threat. Once in a while, I discover an actual threat. Most of the time, I just discover an area for personal growth.

Five Tips For Facing Fears

• Start small: Building courage is like building strength. You get stronger through lifting progressively heavier loads. Start with small fears before you take on big fears. Take on larger and larger fears over time. But start small.

• Win elsewhere: Success in one area of life can help you face fear in other areas. It is true that some areas of life can be “comfort zones” that we retreat back into. But it is also true that we can use these areas of success to help us believe that we can “win” elsewhere too.
• Shed light: Get accurate, objective information. Usually, this is just a matter of having the conversation and asking the questions. Sometimes some research is needed. Sometimes getting someone to help you is needed. But most fear is based on imagination, not reality.

• Bring a friend: It’s always easier to face a challenge with someone else. Build a relationship with your leadership team, your partners, or your spouse that allows you to go through the experience with someone else. If you don’t have someone, build a relationship or hire a consultant, coach, or counselor. Find someone who encourages you. Many friends prefer their fears and they won’t be able to help. You can and will go much further with others who will help you.

• Surround yourself with success: Surround yourself with people who’ve been successful in similar situations. Read those books, listen to those podcasts, watch those movies, build those relationships. Limit or exclude relationships or media that feeds your fears. Anyone can be a doubter. Most people can see all the ways something won’t work.

Become Friends With Fear

If you are a healthy human being, you will always feel fear at times. Most successful leaders are people who feel fear but have learned to not be controlled by fear.

Fear has an awful sense of reality and direction. When it occurs, explore why it is there, but don’t give it control over your life or business.

What fear or fears might be influencing the potential you see for 2020? What is one step you can take to start facing that fear?

Take good care,

Christian

Would you like my help for yourself, your team or board to get a clear vision of 2020?  Don’t leave it to chance. Give me a call 907-522-7200 or e-mail me.

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