Perhaps it was the chill you felt in the meeting. The coworkers who were avoiding eye contact. The remarks that had a slight edge. Maybe it was someone coming to your office to complain in anger or dissolve into tears. It could have been the loud curse and the slam of a door you heard through the wall.

No one wakes in the morning hoping to deal with conflict in the workplace. Nevertheless, there it is.

Research indicates that, globally, it’s the norm for those in management to spend about 20% of their time addressing conflicts at work. Instead of acting as if conflict is an intrusion, the best leaders recognize that addressing conflict effectively is one of their most important responsibilities.

But how do you address conflict effectively?

Because workplace conflicts are diverse, this article focuses on how to address conflicts that have been relatively short-term in nature and involve few people. (Longer-running conflicts or ones that involve large numbers of people usually require advanced skills for an effective intervention.)

Here’s what to do:

Identify the Key People: Sometimes it’s obvious: it’s Brian and Jeff who have the issue. Other times, it seems like an entire department is in conflict. People tend to generalize the disputes, saying things like, “All the guys in the warehouse are such jerks.” It helps to narrow that down by asking, “Which guys have been jerks to you?” You’ll most often find, of the 12 guys in the warehouse, only one or two are being specifically referred to.

Target the Key People. If you include everyone in a private conflict it can confuse the process. If you don’t include all the Key People, the conflict will not be resolved.

Identify and Separate the Core Issues: If Brian and Jeff are arguing over whether a project should be outsourced to a specialist or completed in-house, usually, you only need to ask people, “What’s going on?” or “What are the issues causing disagreement?” Then, as people talk, try to listen to all of the issues, identifying the ones that seem to be the most important to those speaking. These will fall into two categories: Substantive – showing up on time, getting reports in, clarity about roles and responsibilities; and Personal – Feeling respected, trusted, excluded, etc.

If there seems to be a laundry list of issues, write them all down and see if themes emerge. There are often fewer core issues beneath the surface.

Each Core Issue needs to be identified, discussed and resolved separately. This speeds the resolution process by keeping the conversation from getting “muddy”. It helps ensure that all issues have been addressed.

Clarify Interests: People will, nearly always, start by telling you what they don’t like and what they want instead. This is usually their position on the conflict. For example, if Brian and Jeff are arguing over whether a project should be outsourced to a specialist or completed in-house, we may discover Brian believes the specialist should do it; and Jeff believes it should be completed in-house. As long as the conversation remains at this level, it isn’t likely to be easily resolved; as, it appears those are incompatible options.

However, it will be helpful to ask and explore, “What makes outsourcing/keeping it in-house important to you?” A long list of unexpected Interests may emerge. Brian may trust the specialist more than the in-house talent. Jeff may want his department to have an opportunity to work on and gain credit for a good project. If Brian’s interests are quality work and Jeff’s interests are gaining a “win” for his department, we’ve now discovered the possibilities in the conversation.

It helps to frame the interests as questions: How can we ensure quality work for Brian? How can we help Jeff’s department gain credit for a good project?

Explore Options Based on Interests: This is initially challenging for many people; however, brainstorming answers to the questions above, actually works. One tool I sometimes use is asking people to individually, quietly, write down 20 different ways the problem can be solved. (Warning: I’ve not found anyone who liked being given this assignment. However, it quickly helps turn conversations around.) I limit the participants to 10 or 15 minutes. They usually start with their initial positions. They whip through 5 or so ideas; and, then get stuck and frustrated. Then, the breakthrough happens, they finish out their list with ideas that have real value. When all lists are completed, or time is up, we compile the ideas on a piece of paper, cluster the similar ones, and see if a solution emerges. It usually does.

You can help the process by trying to explore scenarios where both interests are satisfied:  Is it possible for Jeff’s department to gain some credit if part of the project is outsourced? Is it possible for Jeff to satisfy Brian’s concerns regarding quality if the project is completed in house? Does Brian have another project that might be great for Jeff’s department?

Clarify Your Agreement: Sometimes, we fumble at this point. People come to agreement; but the specifics aren’t made clear or written down. Everyone walks away having a different memory of what was agreed upon. New conflict.

Write up a simple memo or e-mail that records what was agreed upon. Keep it simple and as short as possible. Be sure to add as many specifics that are relevant: amounts, dates, those responsible, etc. If there is personal tension, it often helps if check-in dates are scheduled in advance; so everyone knows they’ll be reporting back regarding progress.

Important! When You Shouldn’t Try to Do This In House

Don’t hesitate to call a professional if any of these dynamics exist:

• You have a conflict of interest, or personal involvement, with one of the staff.
• You aren’t trusted; regardless of whether, or not,you believe you should be.
• You aren’t viewed as neutral by one of the staff.
• It’s a long-running dispute – this is often symptomatic of systemic or workplace culture issues that are usually too difficult to identify from inside.
• It is complex – involving many different groups or highly complex issues.

Encouraging note: When we repair a leaky roof or a faulty transmission, we’re usually just hoping to restore things to normal working order. However, when we repair working relationships, there is always an opportunity to actually build more trust and increase future cooperation and creativity. My best clients enjoy much stronger teams and effective organizations as a result of their well-resolved conflict.