Why all Workplace Conflict isn’t the Same

When it comes to conflict in the workplace, the most common interpretation I hear is, “They have a personality conflict.” This statement is a meaningless catch-all. It helps satisfy our need for an explanation but it doesn’t provide a useful diagnostic. Other equally unhelpful explanations might be: “He’s kind of a jerk.” Or “She’s under a lot of stress lately.”

If you’re the kind of leader who wants to create healthier, more respectful, yet more robust interactions in your workplace, you can’t accept these answers. You need to dig deeper. Here’s how:

Kinds of Conflict

The triggers of conflict can be diverse. Learning to differentiate between them, and choose best responses to them, supports our ability to response proportionally and accurately. One of the most powerful skills in conflict resolution (and leadership, sales, parenting or anything else that deals with human motivation) is the ability to differentiate what someone really wants from how they believe those desires will be satisfied within the situation that brought the question to light. (Read that paragraph over a couple times. There are some big nuggets of wisdom in there.)

Almost all conflicts can be divided between two different types: “Substantive” and “Personal.” Differentiating between the two is important because it’s easy for one to bleed over into the other. However, resolution usually comes from identifying and addressing the conflict at its core. Let me describe these two types:

Substantive Conflicts: “It’s NOT about you” Substantive conflicts are usually about how things are done, why they are done or differing understandings regarding what is going on/background information.

• How: A conflict about “how” it is often a conflict over process. This manifests in the workplace when there is confusion over how decision are made, or what departments are supposed to communicate, or how teams are supposed to work together. It very often is about ambiguity regarding roles and responsibilities and what can be expected from someone.

• Why: A conflict is about “why” is often a conflict over values. One department or individual may place a higher value on cost-cutting. Another may place a higher value on pleasing a customer. It’s likely that both saving costs and pleasing customers are good things to pursue. However, sometimes we weight the two differently when we make choices.

• What: A conflict about “what” is often a conflict about Confused, inaccurate or different information can create significant conflict. Wrong directions, misunderstood expectations, financial statements with or without narratives, lack of background and context information all can contribute to conflict.

Personal Conflicts: “It IS about you.” Personal conflicts at work are often painful and confusing. Current conflicts might be about history (either between the people involved or an individual’s history), insufficient trust, a lack of feeling cared about, and a lack of confidence in competence.

• History: A conflict about “history” is usually about one of two different things:
  • The history of the people directly involved. They may be arguing over plans for an office remodel but the magnified emotions come from an argument they had 5 years ago and the ongoing resentment that has built since that time.
  • The history of an individual. Someone may have had a strong, negative experience with a “type” of person (gender, ethnicity, position of authority, etc.) in the past and they are projecting emotions from one relationships history onto a different relationship with someone of a similar “type.”
• Care: A conflict about “care” happens when someone doesn’t feel valued or doesn’t believe their interests are being taken into consideration. It’s possible they’re not liked or valued; or, they’re accustomed to affirmations or value being shown in a particular way. Or it might be that value just hasn’t been sufficiently expressed.
• Competence: A conflict about “competence” is usually about trust and respect. It emerges when there is a lack of confidence that someone else can actually be trusted to do something well.

There is a strong tendency for substantive conflicts to create personal conflicts. Similarly, due to breakdowns in communication and cooperation, personal conflicts can start to generate substantive conflict.

It’s rare, as John and Carol argue over whether or not an order was manufactured correctly, they’ll tell you, “This is a substantive conflict over data.” What you will hear them say is, “John is being stubborn, again.” Or, “Carol never gets the details right. How hard is this job?” People tend to react to the judgement in these statements and it, thereby, increases the tension.

I can and will help you grow your leadership, align your team and maximize results. And I serve leaders around the globe. Contact me today and I’ll help you diagnose and respond to the sources of conflict in your workplace.

Also, I love to hear your feedback. After reading this, what would you say is the source of the conflict happening in your workplace?  Let me know how this article helps, doesn’t help, or feel free to ask any questions you may have below!