I was taking off from an airport in the Aleutian Islands recently. The weather was awful. Someone commented to the attendant that they were surprised the flight hadn’t been canceled.

“Yes, it was scary flying in here,” she responded.

The voice of honesty. But not confidence.

Glad that the pilot seemed more relaxed. The pilot wasn’t chatty. But he approached the flight with calm assertiveness. It was the right tone to set.

Most leaders, especially owners or executives, have learned to project confidence.

That’s a good thing.

I don’t know what the pilot was feeling or thinking. But I didn’t want to hear uncertainty in the pilot’s voice. I wasn’t ready for him to say, “we’re all in this together.” Didn’t want to overhear him pep-talking himself.

I just wanted him to fly the plane. If he could, in fact, handle this weather, I wanted him to confidently do so

However, having a “game face” and always being confident aren’t the same thing. Leaders often don’t feel confident. They often feel like they need to “fake it until they make it.”

There are lots of reasons for this. They might include:

• Facing a problem with no obvious solution.
• An unfamiliar opportunity or challenge.
• A sense of not quite having control of the situation.
• A fear of not measuring up or being judged.
• A discomfort with not knowing or understanding something.
• Having direct reports who seem to (or actually do) know more than you.
• A recent mistake or error in judgment.
• Not being able to trust the information you have.

And so on.

If insecurity is an underlying characteristic, it’s toxic. Even if a leader is successful.

Feelings of insecurity are more common for leaders than most people would expect. In fact, all leaders are likely to feel insecurity or fear at times. It’s the nature of effective leadership to take risks, face challenges, and so on.

But for many leaders, often unknowingly, insecurity shapes their view of life, priorities, and relationships.

Perhaps surprisingly to some, many leaders achieve success because of their insecurities. The (real or perceived) approval and status that accompanies leadership can be attractive. In some cases, even behaviors that compensate for insecurity may actually help them get ahead.

But….

These same drivers come with consequences. They often hit ceilings. They discover their progress is blocked by something. Insecurity often causes leaders to defer leadership.

In the same way deferred maintenance on buildings and equipment eventually will catch up to you – deferred leadership decisions don’t go away. They accrue and often with interest. More on deferred leadership here.

Insecure leaders may come across as anything from controlling and micro-managing to charismatic and visionary. But some tendencies are common across the board:

• Difficulty listening (or actually hearing) what others are saying.
• Resistant to change or the ideas of others.
• A tendency to rescue.
• Always putting out fires (being reactive, not proactive).
• Struggle to see their approach to leadership as causal for organizational challenges.
• Often busy and feel overwhelmed.
• Threatened by others who seem more skilled, confident, or able in some way.
• A tendency to avoid conflict or difficult topics.

An insecure leader won’t necessarily experience all of these. But the more they present themselves, the more likely a leader is driven by insecurity to some degree.

How to Grow Out of Insecurity

Keep the promises you make to yourself: Many leaders struggle with insecurity because they don’t follow through on what they’ve told themselves. This could be about things as simple as a healthy habit. But if you learn you can blow yourself off – it’s easy to believe others could too.

Be careful about the promises you make. But keep the ones you do make. It will make you more confident.

Don’t sneak: Some leaders are sneaking something – maybe unethical, illegal, or just embarrassing. Or maybe they are pretending to know something that they don’t really know. Elaborate defenses might be built. It takes a lot of energy to maintain this. And it creates a persistent paranoia of being found out.

It is rare that these things stay hidden forever. Frequently, I see these issues surface at the end of someone’s career – when it’s too late to do much about it. It’s sad to watch. If this is you, stop doing whatever it is. If appropriate, get things out in the open and get help.

Get better mirrors/help: Insecure leaders often learn to filter the feedback or information they hear about themselves. The people that surround them often learn to be careful about what they say. As a result, these leaders have mirrors that reinforce an inaccurate reality.

Get better mirrors. Build relationships with people who respect you but aren’t impressed with you. Relationships that have a primary purpose of creating growth. This might be peer mentoring or counseling or coaching.

Point blank: You won’t grow on your own. Get help.

Small wins are big: Start accruing regular, small successes in areas that you find intimidating. Don’t try to be perfect or spectacular. Just make regular small wins. They’ll accrue over time.

Find something challenging that you’d typically avoid. Take consistent steps towards small near-term goals.

Learn something you’ll never master: This is a powerful confidence builder. Building a new skill directly contributes to increased confidence. Learning from people who will always be better than you teaches humility – it’s ok not to be the best. I experience this in Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu. You might want to play guitar or figure skate or learn to bake.

Put yourself into the position of being a learner and receiving instruction.

Learn to accept progress over perfection: Perfectionism is a poison that I’ve been trying to detox myself from for years. I’ve made progress. And the way to do it is to learn to accept…progress. Accepting that this attempt was a lesson – not a test.

Pursue a “B” grade. It’s not perfect but it’s still honor roll.

Take good care,

Christian

Free Leadership Resources

Whether you are a new CEO, thinking of succession or exit, or wanting to strengthen your leadership and your team, I’ve got resources to help:

New CEOs

Succession or exit planning

Enhancing your leadership skills

Improving company performance 

Are you interested in learning more about becoming a successful CEO? If so, get a free copy of my book The Successful New CEO. Not a new CEO? I’ve been told by “old hands” that they felt any CEO should read this. So, click here to get your copy today.

There are 𝟭𝟮 𝗰𝗿𝗶𝘁𝗶𝗰𝗮𝗹 𝗾𝘂𝗲𝘀𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀 to ask before accepting a new CEO position. Do you know what they are?  Instantly download my free e-book here.

𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗕𝗲𝘀𝘁 𝗧𝗶𝗺𝗲 𝘁𝗼 𝗖𝗿𝗲𝗮𝘁𝗲 𝗔𝗻 𝗘𝗺𝗲𝗿𝗴𝗲𝗻𝗰𝘆 𝗦𝘂𝗰𝗰𝗲𝘀𝘀𝗶𝗼𝗻 𝗣𝗹𝗮𝗻 𝗶𝘀 𝘽𝙚𝙛𝙤𝙧𝙚 𝗬𝗼𝘂 𝗡𝗲𝗲𝗱 𝗜𝘁.

Be prepared for a smooth transition in the event of an unplanned emergency succession. My guide will show you step-by-step how to devise your own plan.

Download my free guide here.

Let’s connect.

I’m passionate about helping leaders to create workplaces they love going to and increasing the value of the services they offer. My results-oriented approach is tailored to each client’s specific situation and needs.  As a leadership coach, I have developed a wealth of resources to help you and your team grow and become stronger.

Weekly Newsletter – sign up to receive my weekly articles addressing critical leadership challenges and issues.

The Leadership Coach Podcast – In my podcast, we explore effective, high-impact, and enjoyable leadership. Subscribe.

Find the value of your company with my free assessment tool: The Value Builder System

The Value Builder System™ is a 13-minute online questionnaire that evaluates your business on the eight factors that contribute more to its attractiveness and value. These factors are scored on a scale of 1-100. Businesses that score over 80 are likely to command 70%-100% higher value than others.

Opportunities

Executive and Leadership Coaching: Do you feel overwhelmed? Are you not getting the results you expect from the effort you are putting in? Do you find yourself facing similar challenges time and time again? Would you like to change specific ways of relating or reacting? If you would like to experience predictable, measurable growth Contact me.

Profitable Exit Strategy Workshop: Are you a business owner or partner? Over 55? Starting to think about exiting your business or active management in the next 3-5 years?

• Curious about what your business might be worth?
• Would you like to discover the specific steps you need to take to increase its value and become highly attractive to a buyer?
• Are you planning on handing it over to family or employees and you want to ensure long-term success?

If so, contact me now