A favorite memory from when I was young is a time my family spent at Lake Superior. If you are unfamiliar, Lake Superior is the largest of the Great Lakes. It is so large, that in some ways it has more in common with a sea. And like the seas, it is often traversed by ships and it still has lighthouses.

My dad used to dive on shipwrecks in the lake. The wrecks he dove on were never that far off-shore. This always seems exciting and mysterious and tragic to me: That so many ships wrecked so close to apparent safety.

We visited the Split Rock Lighthouse during the trip. This lighthouse was built in 1905, as a response to a powerful storm on the lake. This storm damaged or destroyed 29 ships and killed at least 36 people. To me, the lighthouse felt like a great, silent hero.

Leaders can be like lighthouses, guiding and directing others during dark, stormy, turbulent times. But they can only do this well if their ‘light’ is well-maintained, strong, and bright. The quality, clarity, and consistency of any leader’s light are strongly connected to the quality, clarity, and consistency of their internal life.

Leadership & Self-image

Leadership always and only exists within a relationship. How any one of us participates in a relationship is strongly informed by how we see ourselves. In other words: Our self-image.

If I see myself as someone with something valuable to offer, who is responsible, and who follows through on commitments, I’ll tend to relate along those lines.

If I see myself as someone who tends to be taken advantage of, or who is often disrespected, or if I doubt my abilities to carry responsibility, I’ll tend to relate along those lines.

And because I relate differently, I’ll experience a different kind of response from others. I’ll form a relationship of a different nature. Because of how I see myself. Not because of who I’m with.

How I see myself, influences how others see and relate to me.

A leader with a strong, positive self-image stands firm like a well-maintained lighthouse. They can provide clear direction and inspiration even in stormy times. Their relationships may be marked by trust, respect, and credibility. 

Conversely, if a leader’s self-image is weak or negative, it’s like a lighthouse with a dim, flickering, or inconsistent light. It leads to uncertain or inconsistent guidance. Their relationships may be defined by confusion, conflict, or mistrust.

How common is this?

It is universal. Every leader I work with has developed a self-image that impacts their relationships in some way. This impacts their effectiveness as leaders.

In most cases, someone’s self-image is difficult to see. But there are signs. For example:

Signs of a leader with a poor self-image

• Others feel controlled.
• People don’t feel appreciated or valued.
• Needs to boast or self-promote.
• Restricts flow of information or opportunities.
• Has an unrealistic perspective and blinders.
• Difficult to approach or correct.
• Conflict must be won, suppressed, or avoided.

Signs of a leader with a healthy self-image

• Others feel built up or encouraged.
• Recognizes the effort and accomplishments of others.
• Mistakes are viewed as a part of growth.
• Confidence in their responsibilities, roles, and relationships.
• Accepts limits of ability, energy, and influence.
• Approachable and correctable.
• Works through conflict.

This isn’t (just) about you

Yes, your quality of life will improve with an improved self-image. But this isn’t only about you. I hope you can see that how you see yourself impacts others. As leaders, we are responsible for our impact on others. It’s the nature of the job.

Leaders have an obligation to pursue personal growth. We have a responsibility to cultivate a healthy self-image.

Eight ways to improve your self-image

I have often coached leaders through improving their self-below are some of the exercises they use to generate this shift:

Keep promises to yourself: An Ed Mylett concept. Keeping promises boosts self-confidence while breaking them undermines trust in oneself.

Practice gratitude: Recognize the ‘good’ you receive from others. This fosters humility and a healthy self-image.

Track daily wins: A Dan Sullivan concept. Set and achieve daily goals, then journal them. This builds an inventory of accomplishments, enhancing intentionality and self-image.

Surround yourself with positive people: Engage with motivated, uplifting people to enhance your outlook.

Learn a new skill: Growth in personal or professional areas boosts humility and confidence.

Improve physical fitness: Even brief daily exercise improves mood, confidence, and cognition.

Serve others: Help others through mentoring, volunteering, or listening. Serving, especially those perceived as undeserving, empowers decision-making and self-perception.

Reframe the past: Let go of or positively reinterpret past experiences. Seek help if needed.

Conclusion

To effectively shine its light, to provide meaningful direction and guidance to others, a lighthouse has to be maintained.

You don’t need to practice all eight of the ideas above. (Although, you certainly can.) Pick one or two and be consistent. That, on its own, will generate a shift for you.

You’ll discover that the work you do on yourself will trigger new opportunities, and larger successes and, more importantly, will help others grow as well.

Take good care,

Christian