Once I worked with a group of successful leaders.

One of these leaders had an unusually strong talent for structuring organizations and building teams.

At least, as long as he was in charge.

However, when he was part of—but not the leader of—a team, he began to demonstrate splitting behaviors, pitting other team members against each other. He became uncooperative. He was reluctant to acknowledge the contributions of others.

Moreover, he was oblivious to the fact that his ability to build a strong team wasn’t translating to his ability to be a strong member of a team.

When asked, he would point to his success as a team leader as indicative of his success as a team member.

But he was wrong. His behavior was so disruptive that everyone was required to spend a significant amount of time and energy trying to navigate around him.

He cognitively understood teams. But he didn’t emotionally understand teams.

While he could structure them, he didn’t how to relate to them.

Collaboration Is A Reflection of Character

Fifteen years ago, I worked in international disaster relief. In that context, I quickly learned that building collaborations and working on teams is critical to the success of any intervention.

I was always a member of a team. Often a team within a team. Additionally, we formed many collaborative relationships with other humanitarian organizations, local governments, UN agencies, and others.

I was so intrigued by complexities and dynamics surrounding good teams; I wrote an article on how to form a team or to work collaboratively. It’s adapted form can be downloaded here: The 7 Principles for Effective Collaborations and Teams.

You should download it. It stands the test of time.

However, like the leader described above, I found that understanding how to build a team isn’t the same thing as successfully participating on a team.

In fact, I have often struggled on teams. I’ve written about this in my book Conflict and Leadership.

Gratefully, and as my book describes, I was able to use that struggle as a catalyst for personal change and growth. But the process hasn’t been easy.

Because I had to change.

The lesson was this: Teamwork is more about character then it is about skills.

My challenges on teams, particularly as a leader within a team, revealed unfinished character in me. Specifically, in these two areas:

Humility: Like most people, I like to think of myself as being humble.

In my humility, I also generally know that I’m probably a little smarter, more effective, have deeper insights, can handle more complexity and carry more responsibility than others.

Somewhere along the way, other people sometimes question my humility. It’s frustrating.

I currently believe that my challenges with humility come from basing my sense of self-worth comparatively. In other words, “I’m valuable if I’m better than…”

So, I strive to be better than others.

Not surprisingly, this attitude works directly against being effective in teams or collaborative relationships.

As I’ve worked to grow in this area, to cultivate humility, I’ve found the following to be helpful:

• Practice gratitude and appreciation. When it comes to internal growth – these are the magic elixirs of change.
• Resist comparing myself or thinking through a better-than/worse-than framework.
• Find ways to serve the success of others.
• Accept unconditional love. My kids don’t do things to prove their worth or earn my love. They just get it. Even when I’m frustrated or disappointed. I’m a person of faith. You don’t have to be, but I find it freeing to believe that God sees me as valuable.
• Getting out of my depth. I like learning new things. One reason is that it reminds me that there are others who are very good at some things and I am not. Right now Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu provides ample humility opportunities for me. Parenting does as well.

Generosity: I’ve had experiences where organizations were willing to partner, but it was all one way. We could partner as long as we were helping them do their thing.

There wasn’t a sense of our thing. Never a sense of their reaching out to help someone else succeed.

This is a stingy or hoarding attitude. Some team members or organizations might do this with acknowledgments or rewards.

They view the team experience as an opportunity for them to either compete or use others to get to the top of the pyramid. They don’t focus on the uniting goals of the team.

To develop more generosity, the following are helpful:

• Regularly acknowledge the contribution of others. Celebrate the success of others. Regular, repeated acknowledgment is powerful. Highlight the contributions of others behind their backs, to their face and elsewhere. Be generous with your praise.
• Find ways to share. Share opportunities, decision making, the conversation, influence, the limelight, with others. Find ways to pull people into the influence or recognition you might receive.
• Give away opportunities. Going beyond sharing, completely give opportunities to others. Invite them in on reward systems, allow other to make a decision, be supportive of something you may not prefer.

Two Character Traits That Open New Possibilities

When I’m humble and generous, something neat happens. People want to work with me. They want me to be around.

When I forget to be either (or both), I notice that people become more guarded around me. They are less excited that I’m around.

At this point in my life, I understand how to build a team. I know how to create collaborative relationships. In fact, on an academic level, I have mastery on that topic.

However, I’ve discovered that for myself, for the leader I described above, and for others, the success of teams depends on character more.

Skill and design matter. But a well-designed and structured team will never overcome arrogant, petty people. However, humble and generous people can find a way through less than ideal situations.

Take good care,

Christian

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