The signs of a leader lacking in confidence aren’t always obvious. In fact, certain forms of insecurity often masquerade as strengths. Leadership insecurity tends to manifest in three different ways:

The Leader Who Controls believes that being “in” or “out” of control are the primary indicators of success of failure as a leader. Feeling “in control” reduces their personal sense of anxiety. Anything that feels “out of control” is perceived as a threat.

They tend toward micro-management, rigid decision making, low tolerance for mistakes, consolidation of power or decision making among other behaviors.

Staff often relate to this kind of leader with differing degree of fear or anxiety.  The leader will often confuse this with respect. Staff will often avoid bringing up issues of concern or admitting mistakes. So issues unknown to the leader may grow unaddressed. The leader may also push others away – as they instinctively avoid rigid or controlling environments.

The Leader Who Pacifies believes that everything “feeling alright” or “everyone getting along” is the primary indicator of success as a leader. As a result, they tend to be highly conflict avoidant. In fact, the avoidance of conflict drives much of their leadership.

They tend to vacillate in decision making – because the pre-decision tension that many people experience is viewed as a conflict. So they avoid decisions or shift if someone voices a complaint. Similarly, they avoid confronting staff performance or behavior issues. They also tend to be vague regarding their expectations.

They are often well liked. However, they aren’t always well respected due to their avoidance of dealing with issues in a timely way. Their reluctance to acknowledge or address bullying, unsafe, irresponsible or unproductive behavior causes damage to others and often results in turnover of good staff.

They may bottle up their emotions and periodically have a surprising outburst which confuses everyone.

The Leader Who Performs is always on stage. Their organization or position is just another platform for them to perform from. They may be either controlling or neglectful of organizational health or performance. Their orientation is always outside the organization. Leaders success is determined by public accolades, awards or the number of celebrities who know them by name.

If they have maintained their position for long (many are flash-in-the-pan leaders), they tend toward creating very personality-driven organizations. They often shift between being neglectful of organizational performance and health and being demanding and micro-managing.

Their organizations are frequently marked by high employee turnover. The organization itself tends to be attracted to high visibility, short-term objectives and actions. There is often little interest in analyzing overall impact or return.

Avoidance of Accountability

All three tend to avoid accountability – whether to a board, management team, coach or anyone else. Accountability feels like a threat to all three – who all use internal perceptions of control, being liked or being adored as metrics for success.

Six Practices to Build Healthy Confidence

Want to avoid being any one of the leaders above? Want to grow in your own confidence as a leader?

1. Practice Courage: I define courage as the ability to do what is right in the face of fear, opposition or risk of rejection. The virtue of courage or fortitude has been recognized since ancient times as a foundational virtue. Without courage we are unable to maintain any other virtue in the face of fear, opposition or rejection.

Ways that I’ve found courage can be developed:

• Acknowledging and addressing mistakes.
• Find areas or issues of fear and learning to overcome.
• Exploring the reality of the fears – in most cases fear is based more on perception than experience.
• Taking small risks and building on them.

2. Practice Humility: Humility is a confusing concept for most English speakers. We want “humble” leaders. But no one wants to be in a “humble” position in life.

Leadership humility really has to do with two abilities: A) An ability to accurately & comfortably assess and accept your own strengths and weaknesses and B) The willingness to view others from a place of appreciation and valuing.

Ways that I’ve found that humility can be developed:

• Surround myself with honest feedback from people who care about me but aren’t impressed by me. I often hire coaches for this reason.
• Make a regular practice of gratitude and expressing appreciation to others. Both of these practices acknowledge the value and worth that come from others.
• Learning to say, “Thank You” and “You’re Welcome” without needing to minimize or elaborate.
• Learning to ask for help when it is needed (and not after.)

3. Practice Teachableness: Most leaders know they don’t “know it all” yet they are afraid to expose this. There are a few who are lazy and or arrogant enough to think they’ve learned everything they have to. Regardless, unteachable leaders are stuck. They are among the most difficult to work with. Teachableness requires both courage and humility. In addition, it requires the ability and desire to learn and grow.

Ways that I’ve found teachableness can be developed:

• Consistently expose ourselves to new experiences and information.
• Hire coaches. Find mentors.
• Surround ourselves with people who are better at what we do then we are.
• Learn to ask questions.
• Learn to take full responsibility for our results and growth.
• Stop making excuses, blaming, rationalizing or minimizing (I needed lots of coaching for this!).
• Learn to assess and celebrate success. We encourage ourselves to continue to learn and grow when we see that we can.

4. Practice Clarity: Being clear about the purpose, goals, expectations or standards serves everyone. Ambiguity is not only a breeding ground for conflict – it serves no one. Despite this, many leaders underestimate the need for clarity. Other avoid it because they associate it with conflict (psychologically, decision-making is usually preceded by a sense of tension which is often confused with conflict). Additionally, some avoid it because it creates accountability.

Ways that I’ve found that clarity can be developed:

• Take the time to be clear on what is being pursued, wanted, changed, desired.
• Make clearly defined goals.
• Assign responsibility appropriately.
• Define what success looks like and how it will be measured.
• Make a regular practice of tracking and reviewing.
• Address ambiguities as they emerge.

5. Practice Engaging Conflict: Conflict occurs when there is a disagreement over something important to all sides of a dispute. The opportunity of conflict is taking the time to understand what that “something important” was. The most effective leaders actually seek to surface and engage in conflict on regular basis – for the purposes of learning what the underlying interests are of those who are involved.

Ways that I’ve found conflict can be productively engaged:

• Set an example of curiosity and respect.
• Differentiate between initial positions on an issue and dig down to the deeper interests or desires.
• Try to satisfy the interests of others.
• Don’t take disagreement or misunderstanding personally.
• When disagreement or misunderstandings become personal – work it out.
• Be willing to acknowledge making mistakes in approach or attitude.

6. Practice Being a Facilitator of Others’ Success: Leaders often make the mistake of either needing to be the champions of everything or needing to be the master of all they supervise. It is a basic fact of life for leaders that we will constantly have to engage with the unknown, the shifting, the changing. Any leader who isn’t willing to accept this isn’t ready to lead (there is little need for a leader in a well-mapped, choreographed and structured environment). However, we can’t lead into the unknown alone. And we can’t lead far without a team who is more competent then we are. All we need to do is be willing to find satisfaction in their success as individuals and as a group and there are few obstacles that can’t be overcome.

Ways I’ve found to facilitate others’ success:

• Develop a personal image and appreciation for their abilities and gifts.
• Understand their motivations and what drives them.
• Assign them responsibilities and projects that allow them to shine.
• Find out how I can best serve their success.
• Become OK with not being in the spot-light.

In Conclusion
The best athletes get excited when they discover a new technique or approach to developing their strength or skill. They never stop hiring coaches and trying to find “worthy adversaries” to challenge them.

The best academics never stop being curious and asking questions. They never stop studying, hypothesizing and exploring.

The best leaders recognize that they can only lead out of who they are. So, they never stop trying to build who they are: intellectually, emotionally, socially, spiritually and physically.

What is the practice above that would have the greatest impact on your leadership? What are you willing to do to grow in that practice?

This is the sixth article in a series on Leadership Success Mindsets. To read any of the other articles in the series please go to:

7 Ways to Develop a Perspective of Abundance

3 Powerful Practices for an Abundant Life 

5 Ways to Kick Perfectionism in the Teeth and Start Making Progress

The Best Way to Fail as A Leader (And How to Avoid It)

How to Know What You Are Worth

Are You a Voyeuristic Leader? How to Stop Watching and Get Engaged.