Most people hate arrogance in others. We especially don’t like it in leaders.

But even though we don’t like arrogance – do we really want humility?

Think of these terms: He has humble ambitions. She’s always humbly dressed. They have a humble house.

Not very aspirational sounding.

Humility matters. A lot. But not how we normally understand it.

One of our problems with humility is that in both linguistic and cultural terms, I’m not sure we understand it well.

What Is humility?

The poet Tennyson is often quoted as saying, “Humility is the highest virtue, the mother of them all.”

Humility, at least in its useful form, is an expression of courage. It is about a way of seeing oneself and relating to others:

Personal humility includes:

• Accurate self-perceptions. Unwilling to entertain delusions.
• An honest appraisal of personal strengths & weaknesses.
• A willingness to be seen for who we are.
• Willingness to submit our personal needs/aspirations to causes beyond ourselves.

Relational Humility

• A refusal to compare oneself to others (as in better than/worse than.)
• A genuine desire for and the ability to celebrate the success of others.
• The ability to be appreciative of other’s efforts and gifts.
• A tendency to actively lift others up or raise the stature of others.

Is it possible to always be humble?

Researchers Joseph Chancellor and Sonja Lyubomirsky, in the Social and Personality Psychology Compass, have made a helpful differentiation between humility as a trait or a state.

While both are positive, the sense of humility as a trait has a sense of permanence or consistency about it. It has a “fixed” perspective about it. Either you are humble or not.

Which is nice. If you’ve got it.

The sense of humility as a state has the sense that at times we are humble, at times we are not and at other times we are somewhere in the middle. It allows for room for a “growth” mentality.

I may not always be humble. But I can work to be in a humble state, for longer, more often.

Humility matters, a lot, for effective leadership

Humility is the difference that makes the difference. Humility began to regain popular attention, with Jim Collin’s book Good to Great.

Collin’s team explored the common traits of the highest and most sustainably performing companies in the USA.

They discovered: “[The CEO’s of successful companies share] a paradoxical blend of fierce will and personal humility. They are stubborn and ruthless for results. Yet they are humble. They are ambitious for their company, and rarely allow their ego to be an obstacle for the success of their organization.”

Humility protects leaders from brain damage. Yes, you read that right.

It has become well established that empathy is a critical skill for leaders to increase their impact and influence.

However, some studies, as reported in The Atlantic have demonstrated that the more power someone accrues, the less their brain functions normally. Brain research has shown that powerful people begin to lose their ability to:

• Empathize
• To “mirror” someone else’s moods or behaviors.
• Accurately read others.

Those are pretty important abilities. Especially if your job is to influence the behavior and perspectives of others.

Power isn’t wrong. We need powerful leaders. We would be worse off without them.

But power hurts a leader’s brain. And that leader won’t even know it.

Unless they are humble enough to listen. To let others disabuse them of their tendency to lose touch with reality and their place within it.

Humility prevents critical errors. Everyone makes errors.

Some people are arrogant in spite of all their errors. But others become arrogant because of their tendency to “get it right.”

So, arrogant people may not make more errors. But arrogant people are more likely to be closed to the ideas of others, to being corrected or to be challenged.

As a result, they are less likely to recognize their errors and more likely to be rigid about them when they occur.

When arrogant leaders make errors, it’s often a bigger deal. Because it’s so hard to do anything about it.

How do we cultivate humility?

Humility is not a constant experience for me. At least I don’t often hear myself described as such.

So, I might not be able to claim it as a trait.

But I don’t want to be a jerk. I also don’t want brain damage or to become delusional. At least no more delusional than what is socially acceptable. (Which allows me some latitude.)

So, what can I do?

I work on increasing the frequency with which I return to a humble state.

At least, I try. Sometimes, other people help.

We develop our sense of self through our relationships with others.

But our sense of self can’t be comparative if we want to be humble. And that’s the trick. Most people, most leaders, tend to be comparative. You can hear it in the language that they use.

Once you are comparative, everything is about:

• Being better than (or worse than).
• Being judged (or not even noticed).
• Being lumped together (or being singled out).

To develop and maintain humility a different set of attitudes, behaviors and our relationships must come into play.

I propose that the following questions help us find our way.

Do I tend to:

• Be grateful for what I have?
• Be appreciative towards others?
• Nurture honest and open conversations?
• Invite correction?
• Put myself in positions to learn from others?
• Serve the success of others?
• Be gentle towards people who have made mistakes?
• Take care of those who are struggling to help themselves?
• Embrace my limitations?
• Pursue my spiritual health?

I think that if I pursue the kinds of activities suggested above I both avoid comparing myself and my attitude shifts towards something approaching humility.

Humble Organizations

The humility of a leader helps create a humble leadership culture. Some organizations aren’t humble. They are chock full of themselves.

Humble teams and organizations tend to:

• Break down silos or us vs. them thinking. They build communities and teams instead.
• They value and celebrate the success of others.
• They nurture communication.
• They address conflict and miscommunication respectfully.
• They serve the success of others and not just their own.
• They are learners. They are curious, open and assume more growth is possible.
• They accept and can discuss differences.

They often pay a high price for their hubris. They all do. It’s one of the reasons no organization has lasted forever.

Your turn

Do you agree that there is value in leaders pursuing humility? (No, don’t just give the “right” answer. Apart from not liking arrogance – do you think humility matters?)

If so, what makes it important to you?

When you have been in a humble state, what has been the benefit?

What’s has been the cost of slipping out of that state?

Are there one or two ideas, from above, that you’d like to start putting into practice?

Take good care,

Christian

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