I practice Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu. It’s a grappling martial art. Because of the intensity and closeness – it’s easy to pick up on someone else’s “energy.”

The most dangerous people to grapple with are new. They are usually anxious. Some come with ego. Occasionally someone is angry. Or “twitchy.”

It’s not lack of skill that makes them dangerous. It’s their emotional state. They often tend to go all fight club.

It takes months, sometimes years, to learn to settle down. I was the same way.

Usually, experienced people will pair with someone new. Someone who not only has skill but has dealt with their anxiety, or ego, or anger.

Experienced people can keep them both safe. The maturity of their attitude and skills protects both grapplers. They know how to engage in a struggle while keeping their peace.

Weird concept.

Christmas Peace

During Christmas, we hear songs and receive cards that talk about “Peace” and “Goodwill to all.”

Also, I often receive an increase in calls. Calls from leaders struggling with conflict of some kind.

They aren’t feeling the peace.

Many people define peace in terms of what it isn’t: The absence of conflict. Or worry. Or fear.

Sure…a kind of peace can come from quietness, or stillness, or lacking desire, or avoiding conflict. But the kind of peace that relies on the perpetual absence of disruption. The world doesn’t work that way. That peace is easily lost.

True peace can exist in the context of struggle. It might even be learned there.

In fact, I suggest peace is better understood with the words, “Harmony” or “Alignment.” As in, being in harmony with those around us. Or being in alignment with our values. It comes from the cultivation of those good old workhorse virtues of humility and patience and kindness.

If peace depended on everything and everyone around us…well, no one would be at peace.

This time of year, many leaders notice they’ve lost their sense of peace. For many, this isn’t new. It’s a consequence of avoiding small issues in the past or never having built the conditions for peace.

If you identify with any of this, there is hope.

Thoughts About Peace from Someone Who Sees A Lot of Conflict

My career often places me in the center of other people’s conflict. This has taught me a lot. The primary lesson being:

Peace within precedes peace without.

People who aren’t at peace within themselves aren’t at peace with others. They blame someone or something else for their internal disruption. Some spend their lives trying to get everyone and everything around them to change.

It’s a fool’s errand.

If you aren’t feeling at peace – these principles will help:

Peace is a choice. We choose to lose it or grow it: In high school, a mentor gave me advice that took me years to appreciate. She said, “Christian, don’t do anything that causes you to lose your peace.”

This simple practice is hard. At least for me. It’s been sobering to think of how often I’ve made choices or entertained thoughts that needlessly cost me my peace.

And for a long time, I thought my sense of peace was due to the choices of others. Not my own.

Nearly always the kinds of things that cause me to lose my peace are when I’m out of alignment spiritually and with my values.

To recognize that takes an awful lot of honesty, humility, and self-awareness. Or enough to recognize the cause and effect of our choices.

Simple. Not easy.

Peace is given but can’t be demanded: We can’t control whether someone will offer us peace. For that matter, no one can make me feel peaceful.

We won’t get peace by demanding it. A demand spoils peace.

But we can choose to receive peace. This can be as simple as recognizing when someone is trying to be kind. Expressing gratitude or appreciation. It can include attempts to reconcile.

How often has someone offered us peace – and we didn’t recognize it or receive it?

Additionally, we can offer peace to others. Gentleness. Patience. Affirmation. Overlooking offenses. Not nurturing resentment.

Leaders are in stronger positions to give peace. This might be in our attitude. Or how we choose to relate.

It’s only leaders who can create the structures and cultures that encourage or promote peace.

We can be more alert and open to opportunities to both receive and give peace. It’s always our choice.

Peace must be cultivated: Small, non-descript seeds can grow into robust, towering trees.

It’s easy to dismiss the seeds. Especially ones we don’t recognize – simply because we don’t know what they can become.

An individual seed, on its own, has little value. To be valuable, the seed needs to grow. It needs to be planted and nurtured until it becomes something of stature and substance.

Peace is the same way. Especially for leaders. The seeds of peace often look small and insignificant. Easy to dismiss or undervalue.

Cultivate them. Stay consistent. Give it time.

Summary

What is in you will come out. If you aren’t at peace, don’t expect those around you to be. However, if you are cultivating your own peace, you make it easier for everyone else to do so as well.

• Accept that peace exists and may be formed through the struggle.
• Internal peace is a choice. Don’t do anything to lose it.
• Act in ways that give peace. Learn to recognize and receive peace.
• Whatever level of peace you have and are given, cultivate it.

Take good care,

Christian

Want to learn more?

Read my book, Conflict and Leadership: How to Harness Conflict to Create Better Leaders and Build Thriving Teams. It helps any leader grow their ability to lead through a conflict and build more effective teams.

In the podcast Thought Leaders Driving Returns (TLDR), I’m interviewed by host Hunter Guthrie about how important mindset is in leadership and about effecting cultural change in the face of transition.  LISTEN HERE.

Are you interested in learning more about becoming a successful CEO? If so, get a free copy of my book The Successful New CEO. Not a new CEO? I’ve been told by “old hands” that they felt any CEO should read this. So, click here to get your copy today.

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