I used to rock climb. I often introduced new people to the sport. Most would struggle with their mindset when they began. It can be intimidating. You can’t hide on a cliff or rock wall. It’s easy to feel like you’re being watched and maybe judged. Many people have a fear of heights. And you have to trust your partner not to let you drop if you fall.

New climbers will often freeze partway up a wall, convinced they can’t go further. Even when they have good holds and a solid position, they feel stuck and hang on, saying, “I can’t do this.”

They can do it. If they have the strength to hang on and explain how they can’t hang on, they have the strength to continue. The problem was that they doubted their ability. They didn’t believe in themselves.

I get it. I’ve been there.

But there’s another type of newbie. A rarer one. This person would approach climbing with excitement, not anxiety. They usually didn’t seem to have a fear of heights, didn’t worry about others’ opinions, and trusted their climbing partner.

Most importantly, they believed in themselves. And, often, they would just scramble to the top.

Sure, strength and skill matter. But confidence matters more.

It’s the same for leaders

Twenty years ago, when I started coaching and consulting, I assumed that most of my work would be technical: Assessments, planning, implementation, priority setting, leading change, and so on.

All of those are relevant. But most of my time is spent in helping leaders build a confident self-image.

They rarely hire me to do address. But it’s the work that needs to be done first before we can do the work they hired me for.

Here are examples of what I mean:

Decision-Making: A leader with a low self-image will often doubt their judgment. They hesitate when making important decisions. This can lead to delays, missed opportunities, or suboptimal choices. All of this can negatively impact the team’s performance and outcomes.

Team Morale: A leader who doubts their abilities may struggle to inspire and motivate their team. Sometimes this is because they can’t communicate a compelling sense of vision. Sometimes it’s because they are so afraid of failure that they micromanage their team. However this manifests, it results in lower morale, reduced productivity, and higher turnover.

Conflict Resolution: Many leaders mishandle conflicts due to a fear of confrontation, rejection, or loss of ‘face’. Sometimes this manifests as avoidance. Sometimes it shows up as a rigid need to be right and to ‘win’. Either way, it leads to unresolved issues within the team, degraded communication, decreased collaboration, and an unhealthy work environment.

Innovation and Risk-Taking: A leader’s self-image can impact how they approach risk and innovation – especially within their team. Leaders who are overly risk-averse or hesitant to embrace change may hinder the organization’s ability to adapt and grow. Leaders who feel threatened by the input of others may not gather enough input and make rash decisions.

Communication: Leaders with a poor self-image may struggle with effective communication. They may be hesitant to assert themselves, share ideas, or provide constructive feedback. Or they might be aggressive, demanding, or poor listeners. Both can result in misunderstandings, poor alignment among team members and decreased overall performance.

How self-image impacts outcomes

1. How a leader sees themselves impacts the quality and nature of their relationships. 
2. Over time, trends in relationships shape the culture. Culture is a common way of behaving and deciding, based on shared values and beliefs. 
3. Culture informs the kinds of goals that are selected, what the leader and team believe it can pursue, and the methods that will be used to achieve them. 
4. The goals that are chosen and how they are pursued determine results. 

At least, that’s my logic.

And it adds up to this: How I see myself impacts my results.

The difference between a healthy self-image and delusion

I’m not going to wander too far down this rabbit hole. But just deciding to think that everything we do is pure poetry and that our farts smell like freshly baked bread doesn’t make it so.

One of the most basic tests of a healthy vs delusional self-image has to do with how we relate to comparisons:

• The more I compare myself to who I was and who I want to become, the more likely it’s a healthy perspective.
• The more I compare myself to others, the more at risk I am of becoming deluded.

How to build a healthy self-image?

Here are a few ideas that work pretty well:

• Keep the promises that you make to yourself.
• Track your “wins”: Identify a win that you’ll pursue each day, and review what win you did accomplish (even if it is different).
• Surround yourself who are just ahead of who you are trying to become.
• Learn to take responsibility.
• Practice listening to feedback, critique, and outright criticism without:
  • Shutting it down, trying to explain, or acting defensively (even if you feel defensive.)
  • Fawning, apologizing, or trying to get the person to like you.
  • Just listen, thank them for letting you know, tell them you’ll think about it, and consider what to do with what they’ve said.

To conclude

It’s a virtuous cycle. A rock climber’s confidence helps them push harder, which helps them improve their ability, which builds their confidence.

It’s the same for leaders. Build your confidence, this will help you achieve greater results, which builds your confidence.

For better results, build a healthier self-image.

Take good care,

Christian

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