Conflict. It’s good. It’s an opportunity. It’s a pivot point from which new understanding can emerge and new strengths are developed. Embrace it.

Some conflicts aren’t good (I lied a little bit, above, for effect.) When aliens attack – that’s not good. When the crazy person sues for no good reason – that’s not good. When your employer isn’t making the choices they need to make to stay competitive or fund your position – that may not be good.

However, most conflicts that occur at work are good. Or, at least, they are opportunities from which good can be created. Many of those opportunities are so rich with possibility that you may actually be better off for having the conflict to begin with.

In terms of your organization or team – conflict tends to create opportunities for new growth in four basic areas:

Personal Growth: Conflict tends to provoke deep emotion in people. Particularly conflicts where those people personally feel there is something at stake. These deep emotions tend to drive automatic responses: shutting down, denial and avoidance, appeasement, cutting remarks, accusations, revenge, protectionism, etc.

How I respond to conflict shines a light both on my personal journey, but also on the state of my own emotional maturity and growth. Conflict provides an opportunity to discover where I’m growing and where I still need to grow.

Relational Growth: Conflict only exists around something important to both sides of a dispute. It may not be the same thing for each person; but, each person feels that something important to them is being threatened. Because of this, conflict presents opportunities to strengthen relationships.

First, it is an opportunity to understand the other person at a deeper and more meaningful level.

Second, it is a dramatic opportunity to build or lose credibility. Working through a conflict well demonstrates to others your commitment to the relationship. It reduces the amount of future conflicts because of increased mutual understanding and trust. It allows future conflicts to be resolved faster and with less intensity; because neither side feels as threatened.

Structural Growth: In any workplace where conflicts have existed for a while, or regularly emerge, opportunities exist to improve structure. This will typically be in one of five different areas:

1. Clearly understood goals and outcomes
2. Clearly understood roles and responsibilities
3. Alignment with organizational values and principles
4. Sufficient communication and information sharing
5. A clear and accessible process for managing conflicts as they occur

Cultural Growth: Similar to Structural Growth, if conflicts seem to have existed for a while (or re-emerge) beliefs, values and behaviors that either are generating conflict or allowing its continued presence need to be examined. Workplaces that delay in building appropriate structures, wait to address emerging conflicts until after they’ve become a crisis, discourage disagreements or view all conflict as an issue of power and control get stuck.

Conflict can be an opportunity to address core beliefs around conflict and relationships, rather than betraying core values because of relational discomfort.

Think of a conflict that you recently experienced at work:

• What would you like to change, personally, about how you relate to conflict?
• How do you think that situation impacted levels of trust between those involved? How about with those who observed the conflict?
• What structural changes might be needed?
• What did this situation reveal in terms of basic beliefs, values and behaviors within the organization? Are they serving you well? What might need to change?

Share your comments below.