On my way to catch a flight, I stopped at an airport store for a pack of gum.

“Would you like any water with that?” asked the woman behind the till.

I suddenly realized I was thirsty. And hungry as well.

A few seconds later, I came back with my expanded purchase. “Nice upsell!” I commented.

She smiled. Then said, “You’d be surprised at how many people get angry with me for asking them.”

“Really? Why would someone get angry about that?”

“Well, one woman got angry a few years ago.”

What We See

Because of this woman’s question, I multiplied my purchase.

Assuming she always asks this kind of question, and at least some respond as I did, her simple question easily multiplies overall sales and profits.

From my experience, she’s extremely effective at it.

She should feel pretty good about that.

But her focus was on one negative experience, years ago.

Fortunately, that negative experience wasn’t stopping her from asking.

But I wonder how it impacted other decisions that she might be making?

To what degree does she hold back or not pursue other paths of business growth because of rare instances of negative feedback?

What you focus on becomes the reality you experience.

We Filter Then Fixate

My wife and I were recently walking through a grocery store. She is a therapist and specializes in trauma.

As we were driving away, she reflected on the number of people in that store who are carrying hidden traumas. She commented on how that impacted their decisions and interactions.

I hadn’t even considered it.

But it is where her focus is.

It’s what makes her an excellent and empathic therapist. She is “in tune” with the hidden hurts people carry.

When I walk through a grocery store, I’m focused on what I need to get and then I get out of there.

When I walk through most other businesses, I can’t help but look for signs of growth, progress, and opportunity.

I accomplish my goals – or I help other people accomplish theirs.

It’s where my focus is at. It’s what I see.

It’s what makes me an effective coach.

What’s going on?

There is so much information coming at us all the time. Our five senses are inundated with data.

If we were constantly aware of absolutely everything going on around us – we’d never be able to function.

So, our brains are designed with a filtering system. We automatically separate out, “What’s important/What isn’t.”

Examples:

• A car shopper suddenly noticing the make and model they are interested in all over town.
• A parent recognizing their child’s cry, in a crowd of children, from another room.
• A conscientious manager’s instant recognition when things are “right” or out of place.
• A gourmand’s ability to identify subtle flavors in foods or wines.
• A police officer’s awareness of potential threats in a public space.
• A successful salesperson differentiating a real sales opportunity from a “tire kicker.”
• An effective leader’s inclination to see talent or potential where others don’t.

The Brain and Filters

This isn’t just a philosophical concept. Our brains are designed with something called the Reticular Activating System (RAS.) It’s a real, physical part of our brains.

Amongst other things (like helping us breathe and have a heartbeat without thinking about it) the RAS functions as a filter. A gatekeeper.

It sorts all the data that floods our subconscious. It identifies what seems important and relevant enough to be brought to our conscious awareness.

To a large degree, our RAS has been programmed without much intent on our part.

If you’ve been in athletics or trained for some particular kind of skill, you’ve experienced the ability to “just know” how to move or say the right thing.

But most of us don’t know that our brains have been trained to “see” the world and our experiences through a particular lens.

The question is: Is the lens we are using serving us best?

What Filter Are You Using?

We don’t all see the same thing.

Two people go to a conference or a concert, sit right next to each other and have completely different experiences.

To a large degree, it depends on what they are paying attention to.

Much of what we pay attention to is subconscious. We rarely actively choose what the “signal” is and what the “noise” is.

But we can.

Consider your tendencies:

Do you tend to see the positive? Do you tend to focus on topics that draw you towards a fuller life? Experiences that move you closer to your goals?

Or do you tend to notice the negative? The ways that things could be better? What didn’t happen? The offense that occurred?

Both exist. Both are part of our realities.

We can just react.

But we can also choose which perspectives will shape our futures.

Adjusting Our Filters

I used to be a perfectionist. The other way of saying “perfectionist” is saying, “Someone who always notices what is wrong.”

Perfectionists think they are trying to “get things right.” Or “do their best.” And they are.

But perfectionists don’t fixate on what is great. They focus on what isn’t.

A result of this for me, was: Stress, cynicism, a lack of contentment, a persistent sense of failure, relationships where others often felt belittled.

I was constantly working against myself.

I eventually realized that my filter was serving me or others the way I wanted it to.

I needed to change my filters in terms of:

• What I expected from others.
• What I expected from myself.
• What “good enough” looked like.
• What “successful” meant.

And so on.

This is a continued work in progress. But so far, what I’ve experienced is this:

• When I focus on gratitude and appreciation – my life is richer.
• When I’m willing to overlook offenses – I have more peace.
• When I focus on what I can do – as opposed to what I can’t – I accomplish more.
• When I choose to trust and believe the best from others – they often match or go beyond expectations.

Politics, Facebook and the News

Leaders need to guard their filters.

It’s hard to read the news, try to understand a political situation or engage in social media without coming away feeling discouraged, frustrated, angry or anxious.

That’s because most of the people in those places are being provocative, reactive, vindictive, angry and compulsive.

That’s what they are fixating on. It’s how their filters are set. As a result, they make it harder for themselves to recognize anything good. Which makes it harder to create anything good.

Leaders should be different…

Leaders can only lead out of who they are. How they see the world.

It’s important that we become aware of our filters. Then work to shape the filters that best serve us and those we lead.

Each of us will choose our own filters.

Some people have overly-positive filters. Rose colored glasses. Interpreting everything positively can also mean overlooking, avoiding or denying real issues that need to be addressed.

This is really less about seeing positively and more about avoiding issues.

However, I do know that negatively-focused filters can only produce limits, or tear things down. They never build up.

People with positive perspectives tend to have more positive experiences than people with negative perspectives.

So, if you are going to err – err on the side of positivity.

Three Questions

1. What Informs Your Filters? What do you allow to shape your filters? What sources of information or relationships have the strongest impact?

2. How Do Your Filters Impact How You Lead? Does how you see others, life or the future cause you to lead away from something? (A rejection of a current reality?) Or do you lead towards something? (A pursuit of a shared and inspiring vision?)

3. How Do You Want to Respond? Are your filters serving you well? If not, what one change do you need to make to better pursue the future you are responsible for creating?

Take good care,

Christian

Not Subscribed?

Do you like what you read here but you aren’t subscribed? Would you like to receive weekly tips and tools that will help you improve your leadership? If so, please subscribe now.

Would you like to quickly grow your ability to lead or improve the performance of your team?

If your answer is YES, contact me now. We can set up a quick, no-obligation strategy call to identify your goals and the best strategy to meet them.  Contact me:  Christian@vantageconsulting.org or 907 522-7200.